Why I sometimes feel ashamed I am fat.

There is a reason I am overweight..... right?? Im greedy and lazy.... I over consume and I do nothing to counteract that...... WRONG......

Yes I have my moments (who doesn't). Yes I have taken solace in the fridge instead of facing my problems head on.... (again who doesn't).... I have at times replaced love in my life, with the consumables in my cupboard....(is it really just me??)

However, for many years I have lived on a diet far more healthy than the average... I rarely buy processed meals (ok maybe a pizza from the freezer dept), my takeaway consumption is sporadic....(ie mainly unaffordable) and I live (lucky for me....) in an area where a weeks vegetables cost me less than a packet of cigarettes.... I drink 3 bottles of wine a week (ok a little excessive..... ish) but even a trip to a nutritionist/dietition at my local hospital could only suggest I eat less cheese (which I do) and go from semi skimmed milk to skimmed milk (which I will never do - i'd rather go without). I have a very demanding life, with work that surely burns as many calories as the lady sat next to me... yet I am clinically obese.... ????

This is sadly not what shames me..... the shame and humiliation I feel is when people judge me....when they make THEIR issues... my issues.....

There is an onslaught of obesity related reality tv shows lately - that inform us of how much of a drain on society I am  (as opposed to drug taking, violence and excessive childbirth I suppose)......I feel constantly brow beaten about diet and excercise... with my face shoved into the emaciated (or even silicone - because they have lost all that is natural) breasts of size zero fashion icons...I cannot eat in public without the fear of ridicule, I cannot shop for clothes because the worlds fashionistas have determined I am not worthy of style (more on that later)... I have nothing left to me but guilt and the solace (and eventually more guilt....) that an extra slice of toast will bring.... I hide in shame away from your laughter and your force fed ideas of perfection... I am just as much (ok maybe a bit more) human than you - I am quite aware of the downfalls of being me without constantly being told that my very existance is wrong.....

I would love to see more TV programmes on the drain to society that being constantly at the doctors for the slightest sniffle.....or having 10 children and no job.... or refusing to work because you get more on benefits.... or the amount of fraudulent claims the benefit system ignores... or perhaps an insight into our scandalous care system ......

I am fat.. yes I know I shouldn't be fat......I know the danger to my health that it presents - and I do everything I can to combat it whilst trying to 'live' ........ perhaps if the acceptance that fat people need to enjoy life too pervaded more into the pshychie of the people, and became less of a mission from wannabee tv presenter doctors (and sensationalism seeking programme makers) to shame us - then maybe we could intergrate ourselves more...you know... go out walking in public....go to the gym/swimming etc.... it is the fear of YOUR judgement - that keeps us indoors.....